Don’t sweat the small stuff? It may be worth paying attention to it though…
When we hear the word trauma, most of us picture the big things — horrendous accidents, violence, being caught in disasters, physical abuse. And yes, those experiences leave the deepest of scars. For those that have investigated those aspects of their lives it can be frustrating to feel in the body that there is something else. Actually, there’s another kind of trauma that’s quieter, more hidden, and far more common. It’s often called ‘small-t’ trauma.
Small-t trauma isn’t usually one huge event - it’s the smaller wounds that build up over time. Maybe it was being teased at school, or a parent who never really listened. Maybe it was a painful breakup, losing a job, or just years of feeling unseen. As I often tell clients, it may even be something completely mundane, a small detail, something we probably don’t even bother to mention. These moments might not look dramatic from the outside, but inside, they can shape how safe, loved, and worthy we feel. A life changing belief can form around it!
The tricky thing is that small-t trauma often hides in plain sight. We tell ourselves, “It wasn’t that bad” or “Other people have had it worse.” Friends and family might brush it off too but your body and heart remember.
If it’s tiny but you consider it insignificant - have you ever wondered why you remember it so often? Perhaps it may feel silly or even shameful to bring it up? Trust your therapist, trust the process.
Sometimes the evidence shows up in how quickly you get hurt by criticism, how hard it is to trust, or why you push yourself to be perfect. These patterns aren’t flaws — they’re ways you learned to survive. You might notice small-t trauma in everyday life. Maybe your stomach drops when someone raises their voice. Maybe you freeze when a friend doesn’t text back. Or maybe you hear an inner critic that sounds strangely familiar, as if it belongs to someone from your past. These are signs that old pain is sitting right in front of you, still asking to be seen.
Don’t feel discouraged though, these small wounds can heal. Just as they built up over time, they can soften over time too in safe relationships. Gentle awareness, unconditional friendship s and relationships, therapy, journaling, grounding, movement — all of these can help. But most importantly, so can kindness toward yourself.
You don’t need a “big” reason (or trauma) to take your pain seriously. Your day to day feelings are reason enough. And the very act of noticing that shame and saying “yes, this mattered to me then and it’s affecting me now”, can be the start of healing.
Small-t trauma may not make the news, but it matters deeply. It shapes how you see yourself and the world. With careful exploration, you may find that the weight you’ve been carrying quietly for years begins to lift.
