Drama Triangle
The Drama Triangle is a powerful model created by Stephen Karpman that explains why some relationships or conversations consistently become repetitive, fruitless or emotionally charged. It doesn’t describe a person’s personality, rather the position they adopt subconsciously around a specific person, stress, or topic. Familiarity with the Drama Triangle can help you notice unhealthy patterns, communicate effectively, and save emotional time and energy.
There are three unconscious positions on the triangle:
The Victim
Core Beliefs:
“This is happening to me, and I can’t cope!”
“There’s nothing I can do!”
“Why does this always happen to me!”
They may complain without seeking solutions, avoid responsibility, feel stuck or helpless, or look for someone to solve things.
The Rescuer
Core Beliefs:
“I must help, otherwise something bad will happen.”
“Let me do it for you.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll fix this.”
“I’ll stay late to sort it out.”
They may adopt other people’s responsibilities, offer unsolicited advice, feel guilt when not helping or ignore their own needs. They step in to rescue people and situations without being asked. While this can look kind and supportive, it can unintentionally keep the victim stuck and, over time, may even create resentment for the person being rescued. It also unintentionally takes the rescuer away from their own needs and priorities.
The Persecutor
Core Beliefs:
“This is your fault, and you deserve the blame.”
“You always mess things up.”
“If you’d listened, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“This isn’t good enough.”
They may blame and shame, be rigid and authoritarian, use sarcasm or harsh language or focus on who is wrong rather than what went wrong. Shame can be a healthy emotion, but never when someone goes beyond the mistake and comments on your abilities, history or personality.
Shifting Patterns
A rescuer who feels unappreciated may become a persecutor, e.g. “I’m always doing this for you, it’s about time you sorted yourself out!”
A victim who feels attacked may persecute their rescuer, e.g. “I’ve been doing their housework and lending them money to help out, and now they’re saying I should stop interfering in their life?”
A persecutor who feels criticised may suddenly claim to be the victim, e.g. “I was only telling them to sort their marriage out because I care about them, now their anger is directed at me!”
Why it matters?
If we allow these roles to persist, unchallenged or not discover them subconsciously, they can limit our ability to solve problems. It can also create emotional dependency or damage trust and accountability. It can keep conversations rooted in a blame culture rather than a better outcome. So we’ve identified it…what happens now, do we just label someone? What’s the solution?
